If I haven’t said it before, I’ll say it now: I love celebrating birthdays, and I’ll continue to celebrate mine despite being told that there’s no reason to do so once you hit a certain age. I will incorporate as many little things or as many big things as I want (within reason).
But this was the year I realized that I needed to do something a little bit different, a little more low-key than a big dinner and partying into the wee hours. I’ll still make exceptions for important events like weddings and concerts, but trying to do the same stuff I did in my twenties usually results in a full body hangover (thankfully no headache or nausea, but there’s pain everywhere and I’m usually too stiff to move).
I eventually decided on brunch in Chicago, and one of the less costly brunches for the city (if you live there or visit as often as I do, it could easily be categorized as a religion). My sister celebrated with me for the first time in ages (apart from family), and it was wonderful introducing her to some of my closest friends. We bopped around for a little bit after our meal, ending up in the midst of a Taylor Swift-themed bar crawl (which I wasn’t mad about). I left to catch the train home around dinner time, and once I was back in the suburbs I took a bath, had a cup of tea, and went to bed. I was still tired the next day, but thankfully there was no hangover of any kind to recover from. And ultimately, I was glad to have fun in a way that wasn’t so hard on me physically. I enjoy going out and exploring, catching up with friends, trying new places and things. And I also reach a limit, and I’m thankful that the people around me respect and honor that.
As I’ve said previously, the past year was a lot. I realized that my body was changing, and pursuing solutions to the symptoms was isolating and oftentimes, lonely. I examined my relationship to alcohol, flew solo on a plan for the first time, and soaked up all the Barbie energy and nostalgia. There were many days where I felt like I was just going through the motions, playing catch up on things that I needed to do and hesitating to ask for help that I needed. I didn’t quite have the breakthrough that I wanted (at least in a way that felt monumental), and I don’t know if that was a God thing or perhaps I wasn’t “hustling” hard enough.
During a meeting with a wellness group that I’m part of, I expressed my struggle in getting on a solid sleep schedule and creating balance in my routine. But as we talked, there was one word that kept coming up and stood out to me more than the buzzwords I’ve heard in terms of what you can accomplish during the day.
It was rhythm.
Depending on the context, rhythm has quite a few definitions. I read a Forbes article where rhythm was described as showing up as your authentic self at work, whereas balance was attempting to do everything perfectly. One of the wellness group leaders described rhythm as making room for work, rest, and play (in no particular order).
I’m still in the midst of creating my own definition, and perhaps it will be an ongoing endeavor. I do have structure and I do have a routine, but it doesn’t always go the way I plan in it my head. Ideally I would love to be able to get up at five in the morning on most days and write in quiet, uninterrupted flow. I can get up before sunrise if I have enough adrenaline (i.e. a plane or a train to catch), but on a normal day it’s not that easy, especially if I haven’t slept well and/or my legs are ridiculously stiff).
I think rhythm depends on the season. It involves listening to my body and moving and resting based on how I’m physically feeling. It’s having a routine, but also leaving room for spontaneity and morale boosts and doing brave things. The goal is not necessarily productivity (a word I’m coming to loathe), but efficiency. Meaningful work.
And yes, I realize that it’s different when working in Corporate America and having hard-set deadlines, quotas, last minute pivoting, and everything in between. But no one should have to risk their mental and physical health in the process, and I stand by that.
Since the end of 2023, I’ve been working on a creative project that’s very close to my heart. I won’t share what exactly it is right now, because I’m protective of the message and the ideas and concepts surrounding it. I’ve finished the first draft, and am hoping to find an editor that will help me with revisions. I strongly believe in asking “what are we not talking about that we should be talking about?” and this concept is one of them. I don’t know where it will lead, but I pray that it will make an impact.
I always try to stay open to what a new year will bring, regardless if that starts in January or my birth month. This might be bold of me to say, but I believe that I deserve opportunities, even if it means creating them. I deserve success, whatever that looks like. And I deserve to feel good, feel confident, and be well.
Here’s to thirty-two!
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