One of my friends since childhood recently passed away, an accident that neither I nor many others saw coming. We grew up together, and his family has become like family to me (and they’re part of the reason why I know and love God like I do today). After attending the funeral I realized that I am a much better writer than a talker, and it has helped tremendously as I celebrate and give thanks for his life. But like all of us that love him, I’m still grappling with questions, trying to find a way to continue on (as he would want me to) while still grieving.
How Do You?
The night before
Celebrating, laughing, and dancing
City lights surrounding
The news to come
Then come morning
The phone ringing
Knees shaking and eyes blurring
“What do you mean?”
“How can this be?”
Heading in my hands
Jesus, where are you?!
How do you process what feels like a bad dream
A reality that doesn’t seem true or make any sense at all
How do you pray when you feel like screaming?
And cursing the circumstances
A day of mourning
Black and blurry
Many people, many tears
Overwhelmed by the weight of reality
How do you say goodbye
When all you can do is cry
Out to the creator of all things
Holding each other up, sometimes literally
And sometimes in prayer
Words are few
But thoughts are plenty
Laid to rest
The person passed
Yet the storm still rages on
How do you move forward without guilt?
As though you’re leaving a brother, son, and friend behind
You don’t want to ignore what happened
But you can’t stay in the dark either
So the question becomes
How do we live a life of meaning?
When imperfections blaze like wildfire
How do we love deeper?
To honor who we lost
When our human-ness gets the best of us
But not getting caught up in the bullshit either
Like fire and rain
They come in waves
Something sparks a memory
And memories spark emotion
You don’t forget
Because you can’t
And though heaven is without tears
We’re still wondering down here
What to do, who to be
What “normal” is anymore
More questions than answers
A reunion will be on the other side