Out In The Wilderness


This poem is my way of trying to explicate the season I’m in right now; the mixture of pain, joy, loneliness, and togetherness. Read on and Enjoy!

My Wilderness
What happens to “coming home”
When home doesn’t feel safe anymore?
What used to be a place of rest, now becomes the wilderness
My wilderness
A pair of jeans that no longer fit
A candle that burnt out long ago
My thoughts and emotions contradict each other
In metaphors and analogies
A flying squirrel jumping from branch to branch
Without much balance or leverage
Then, a turtle that stays low to the ground
Hiding in a protective shell when threatened or in a danger
But mostly a deer trying to find her way
Around this familiar but unknown place
Vulnerable and exposed, praying not to be shot down
I can appreciate the peaceful solitude
The spiritual practice of beginning and ending each day
For in solitude comes wisdom
And in wisdom comes growth
Yet there’s a longing for connectivity after a while
To go beneath the surface
Of the water in which we all swim
Every so often that water becomes
And ocean full of waves
That come crashing down one by one
With such force that my legs ache
From trying to stay afloat
My lungs desperate for air
A fiery burning sensation
From what builds up inside
Hopefully transforming into words of vulnerability
A warm blanket feeling
Where for a length of time I’m neither too much nor not enough
No distractions or worries
But feelings come and feelings go
Unexpected storms approach
Leaving me to feel alone once more
The frigidness of abandonment
Becomes almost too much to bear
A target for the bolts of nature crackling across the night
Threatening to strike if I don’t run
Let me hide and curl up like those creatures do
In leaves of insecurity and misunderstanding
Somewhere between hibernating in numbness
And allowing the dirt of a path well-traveled to sting my wounds
I see light once more
The clouds no longer furious faces of complex relationships
The sky no longer a battleground for the desire
To have power or be right
Now a place of hope and promises
Of great things to come
If only I’m willing to embrace them
This is my wilderness
More than I could have expected or fathomed
Simultaneously accepting my past, living my present, and envisioning my future
I wonder if this is all just a bizarre dream
Or a string of possibilities?
Like it or not, this is real life
My life and mine to create
Let it be so

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