Stream Of Consciousness

I’m only two weeks in, but winter break has been absolutely wonderful! I never imagined finding so much joy in waking up and having nothing to do; or at least not having a laundry list of assignments and tasks that needed to get done by a certain time. Not that I’ve been a lazy-bum either; I’m usually awake before ten o’clock and have been doing a variety of activities in each day. 

The holidays were a blessing, as always. Christmas Eve with my Mom’s extended family was typically a full house with plenty of food and laughter to go around! If I didn’t fill up on appetizers or drinks, I definitely did during dinner. There were always these random moments in between that made me laugh so hard to the point where I had tears in my eyes. Overall, if someone doesn’t walk out of there with an aching stomach for one reason or another, then they haven’t had the full experience that is a polish Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa’s house!

New Years was all right. I kept it low-key by having dinner with my parents and siblings, and then Dad and I went and saw Les Miserables with time to make it back before midnight. The movie gave me chills, but it was tough to sit through at times. I really didn’t mind that I wasn’t out partying or doing anything huge, because my time will come in a couple of weeks. I was just happy to be alive and to be able to ring in 2013 as it was! Admittedly, I did buy into the Mayan hoopla for a little bit, where I actually spent the night of December twentieth curled up in bed sending sappy snap-chats and texts to my friends. Yes, I can be gullible at times, as much as I don’t like to say so. 

Yesterday marked one month until my twenty-first birthday! Every once in a while I get asked, mostly by older adults, why it’s so special to me. I usually answered with something along the lines of how my college town has become more strict and it will be nice to stay out after ten. But I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve actually come up with something a little bit deeper than that. 

For starters, I didn’t get to celebrate a whole lot with other milestone birthdays for the reasons that they’re usually celebrated. At sixteen I wasn’t able to drive, so I didn’t get my driver’s liscence. At eighteen, I didn’t have a reason not to have a curfew anymore because I didn’t go out that much on the weekends. Not only will I be officially legal after my upcoming birthday, but I’ll no longer have to jump through hoops anymore to spend time with my friends. There will be a lot less regulation as far as where we can go and what we can do to hang out and catch up. 

The other part of it is more emotional and even spiritual. It’s hard for me to explain it in a way that makes sense on paper, because I still struggle with it in my own mind. What it all boils down to is being able to embrace certain qualities about myself that I felt that I couldn’t before because I was underage. One of them involves enjoying a good bottle of wine or an alcoholic drink because it actually tastes good, not because I want to get drunk. The other part is that I like getting dressed up because it makes me feel feminine and attractive, not because I’m looking to get attention. But that’s more for a post regarding fashion and modesty. 

The above sounds insecure, and it is. I don’t know if I talked about this beforehand, but I’m still in the process of growing in my faith because of my relationship with God, and not solely because of what I was taught in church or through Christian culture in general. In other words, I’m trying to unlearn what was driven into my head in high school, and live it out in a way that is both God-honoring but also where I don’t feel like I’m doing it to hide other aspects of myself, if that makes sense. 

I don’t know what will happen or what my attitude will be. I still have four weeks left to go, and I don’t want to overthink the celebration to where I don’t enjoy it. 

Speaking of enjoying, I forgot to write down that I want to make more of an effort to read for pleasure, rather than just for academic purposes. I’m not calling it a resolution, but more an effort to keep my sanity, particularly when the semester starts. How that will play out, I’m not sure. But for now I’m taking advantage of not having any homework or studying to do. 

Life is good today. How has your new year played out so far?

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