Did you try anything new in 2012? How did you like it/dislike it?
I used to hate the idea of being alone for long periods of time. It made me feel like if I wasn’t constantly surrounded by friends or even people, there was something wrong with me. At first, the idea of getting an apartment on my own signified that I stood out from others, and that I was a failure. But I had a lot of trouble finding someone to live with as it was, and didn’t want to run the risk of not having it work out again by just moving in with the first person that agreed.
Fast forward to now, and looking back on the semester, it is one of the best decisions that I’ve made this year, if not in my entire college career. I love having my own space where everything is a reflection of me. I’m free to come and go as I please, and I’m not dreading what I’m going to find once I walk in the door. There’s no tension or bending over backwards to try and keep shit from hitting the fan.
Honestly, it did get lonely the first weekend I was there; I would occasionally wish that I just had someone to talk to, because that was time when everyone was reuniting and catching up from being apart over the summer. And not that I didn’t have people to catch up with, but rather they hadn’t come back into town yet.
But that ache and that hurt that I used to feel from last year is gone. If I want to spend time with friends and talk to them, I call them up and we make a date to get coffee or lunch. I had a small party for the first time the weekend before finals; it was a send-off for my best friend that is studying abroad next semester, and I felt blessed to be able to host such an event. I pulled together a lot of good food, and we drank wine and just talked for most of the night. Oh, and then there was the crazy dance party for those of us who were still around after midnight! I hope I can have more of those as the school year goes on.
Most importantly though, I need space for myself. I’ve been going through a lot of healing in the past four months, and it has been extremely beneficial to have that solitude and quiet space in order to reflect. Living alone isn’t something that I see as separating myself from those that I care about, but giving me the space and energy that I need in order to be the best person and friend that I can be.
Not having roommates is uncommon, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And I have no regrets whatsoever.