Stream Of Consciousness: Peace and Restlessness

Do you ever get lonely?

I get asked that question a lot, especially when I say I don’t have a roommate. And my answer would be yes, it definitely does happen. When I’m by myself for extended periods of time on the weekends or partaking in things that one would normally do in a group, I’ll actually admit out loud that I want someone to keep me company. Occasionally I’ll become a little sad over not having seen certain friends since I’ve been back on campus, but that sadness is only fleeting, because it is soon after replaced by an overflowing tidal wave of gratitude.

It’s like I’m experiencing that same feeling of awe and wonderment that I did during freshman year, except it’s not because everything is completely new, (I was practically living alone sophomore year) but because I’m fully aware of what I have and that it’s very special. This past weekend I had friends come over for the first time; It was great to not only show them where I live, but to indulge in the wonderful time of the year known as football season, along with good food and extremely hilarious memories (to make a long story short, I was chased by what looked like a beaver and managed to trip up the stairs. None one really knows if it actually was a beaver; I freaked out and ran as fast as I could, while the other two collapsed into a laughing fit).

And that’s what I want my apartment to be; a place where people can come to hang out and just be comfortable and happy. Sort of like southern hospitality, but  it’s more of the college version. I’m really enjoying the process of learning how to cook different things and cooking for other people, so I’m more than happy to have anyone over for dinner! If nothing at all, I want to provide a place where everyone can feel welcome and safe. That doesn’t seem hard at all. 

However, school work is definitely keeping me busy, which is why sometimes I’m only able to blog once a week. Since I am now into my junior year, my classes are more centered on my major; and as an English major, I usually have four novels to read (anywhere from forty to close to one hundred pages per day), plus a textbook. My classes are all inter-related somehow, so it helps me to better understand what’s going on. On top of that, I’m also trying to accomplish a goal of writing at least one hour per day. It has its overwhelming and completely hectic moments, which I’m not always good at dealing with. 

Which is part of the reason why I’m OK with not having other people around all the time; I can decompress at my own pace and ultimately have time for myself. When I feel loneliness creeping up on me, I either go for a walk, write in my journal, pray, or do both. It gives me peace in what sometimes seems like craziness. 

I made an appointment for my first group counseling session, which I’m very much looking forward to. As the title indicated, while I am content with certain areas of my life, I’m currently feeling extremely restlessness. in regards to another. I know what it is, but I’m not at a point  where I want to discuss it at length, at least not on here. Right now, I’m grateful to be able to recognize what it is and that I can’t deal with it on my own. 

I may not know where I am headed, but I’m confident that I am where I’m supposed to be. God is good!

Side note: I just recently created a Facebook Page, so feel free to “like” it in order to keep up!  You can also follow me on Twitter!

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