Stream Of Consciousness: Distractions And Blessings

I have been done with school for  a little over a month now. Out the outside, it may not look like I have a whole lot going on, since I’m not working during the summer, and my psychology class is online. But trust me when I say that I’ve been keeping pretty busy, and for the most part, it feels incredibly good. 

This week, however, was full of many distractions. Throughout it, I felt this incredible amount of anger; anger toward people that I have very little to no respect for, and found myself wanting to say “I don’t care” in the most un-lady like way possible (you can imagine what that is, right?). I was so tired of being pushed around and being demanded to do things that I was in no way obligated to do. I desperately wanted to show them that I wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. 

But then I thought of Hatfields & McCoys, the movie that recently aired in a three part special on the history channel. I won’t give away the story, but it’s about a feud that basically starts over something so incredibly small, and then just escalates from there; back and forth and back and forth. No one knows when to stop. And I’ve only watched up to part 2, so I right now I don’t know what exactly happens. 

And then on top of that, I read something on a popular blog that I read, relating  to the essence of time, and what one does with it. It was beautiful, and a little toward the middle of the week, I mentally threw up my hands and told myself that I didn’t want to fight anymore. They could have the money. They could think what they want. It wasn’t worth trying to prove that I was right, especially to people that most likely weren’t (and aren’t) going to change. And I didn’t want my summer to be defined by it. 

While there are moments where I think about, and feel the anger creeping back in, I keep reminding myself that it’s over and done with. I’m in a different place now, and all I can do is keep moving forward. 

On a more positive note, I have started writing a little bit each and every day, and am aiming to get published either by the end of the summer or when the next school year starts. My class is going well, aside from the fact that it’s a boatload of reading. I began volunteering at my local library and will be doing so at least once a week from here on out. I’m exercising, and plan on trying to go to both a cardio kickboxing and a zumba class. 

It doesn’t look like much, but in my heart, I know that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

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