What Every Girl Deserves: My Take On Pursuit

Reading over the post that I wrote on Friday, I’ve been getting the feeling that the quote in it might have been misinterpreted by some that read it. I probably should have been a little bit more specific, but I was going by what I had written down in my journal during the time that I had thought of it. I realize now that I probably should have been a little bit more specific so as not to give people the wrong idea.

When I said “fighting for someone” I didn’t mean that a person should try to continue a relationship out of deep love for them, particularly when they know that that particularly causes more harm than good. I was speaking more in terms of the way a man would (and should) fight for a woman; the way a man should pursue her.

I have to say that I didn’t really agree with that term when I was younger; I thought it was old-school, and being an independent person, scoffed at the idea of the guy doing everything. But deep down, it was more about insecurity.  When I was in high school, I convinced myself that if I wasn’t the one to do the pursuing, it wouldn’t  happen. I eventually realized that line of thinking was a total lie. I thought I was saving myself a lot of heartache, but it was the other way around.

Genuinely pursuing a lady isn’t only important because of it’s Biblical roots; regardless of the faith or culture she comes from, every woman, young and old, deserves to be sought after. When done for the right reasons and in the right way, it reassures her that a man wants to get to know her and take care of her. It will hopefully leave no doubt that he is interested in having a relationship with her. 

Of course, one could assume that no one does that anymore, because it often involves sweet and romantic gestures, and only those things exist in movies and romance novels, right? However, it’s not just about how elaborate a guy can be, or how often he sends flowers and love letters. It can be as simple as being there to talk when she has a bad day or is going through a tough time. It’s about being reliable and doing what he says he is going to do. He should have strong values and know how to stick to them, along with respecting her values as well.

And he definitely won’t cop the whole “I’m not good enough for you” crap. He will stop at nothing to show a woman that he is everything she wants and more. 

That’s not to say that a girl can’t initiate the conversation when she spots someone whom she finds attractive. Ladies, there’s no shame in introducing yourself or asking a question in order to break the ice; it shows that you’re confident and definitely gives your self-esteem a boost. Just be careful of not falling into the trap of having to do everything. 

More so, if a guy is willing to go to the ends of the Earth to have you be a part of his life, acknowledge him and be grateful. Guys like to be shown love and respect too, but in different ways (as far as ways of loving goes, I’d recommend The Five Love Languages. It’s extremely helpful for both singles and couples). 

On the other hand, if you don’t feel like there’s a spark there, be upfront and honest with him before things go any further. It’s also easy to want to run because of past hurts or believing that what you’ve been given is too good to be true. The only advice I can give is that it might just be a risk that you have to take. 

I will caution against something that I find in a lot of relationship articles, specifically one pertaining to Christian relationships; that if a guy pursues you, it must automatically mean that he wants to know your heart and that he will cherish you. More so, it must mean that he is right for you. 

Unfortunately, I’ve found this not always to be the case. There are men out there that have gone after women with obsession, wanting only sex, or just being flat out creepy. As much as I want to give every guy a chance, I realize that a lot of them aren’t always genuine about their intentions. I’ve learned the hard way of how important it is to trust my instincts, how to communicate or if I should communicate at all. 

What I know for sure is that being pursued for the sake of real love is a blessing; It is something to be cherished, taken slowly, and not taken lightly. I realize that our culture often goes against waiting for committed relationships, simply because “they don’t exist anymore.” But just because it hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen. It will be at the right time, with the right person, and in the right way.

So let me rephrase that quote: 

“When a man really truly loves a woman, he won’t run away from her or give any reason not to be with her. He’ll fight for her with everything he has, because real love isn’t manifested out of fear. And real love is something worth fighting for.”

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