Stream of Consciousness #13

I may sound as though I’m bragging when I say this, but I consider myself to have a pretty good memory. Not necessarily in the sense that I have the ability to remember the answer to every single question on a test, but more or less that I can recall the smallest of things from a particular memory. For instance, in some cases I remember vivid details of meeting certain friends, from the exact date that it was down to what we were both wearing that day. 

I have always wondered why that happens; why some memories get stuck in my head and others just simply fade away. It is some kind of omen that whoever is a part of that memory will become a significant person in my life? Or does it just occur for no specific reason at all? 

There was a time when I was afraid to say that I had a best friend or a group of best friends, because I didn’t want anybody in my life to feel excluded. I wanted all my loved ones to feel like they meant a lot to me, because I once knew what it was like to think that no one cared at all. But then I began to understand that it’s not always possible to be insanely close to every single person that you know; you’re not always going to mesh with them, and some don’t turn out to be trustworthy. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize that there are definitely people that I would prefer to be stranded on a desert island with more than anyone else. There are specific things that I sometimes wait to do, simply because I want a specific person(s) with me when I do it. You get the idea, right?

People say that you should learn to be your own person before you choose to be with someone else, and that you should know how to survive on your own. There is truth in that, but only to a certain extent. 

I’d like to think that having people in my life doesn’t necessarily fill me, but it does make happier to have them there. I don’t completely imitate them, but they do make me want to be a better person in my own right. And there’s just something about them that brings a smile to my face; they have a type of energy that makes me want to be around them all the time.

And because of all that, they each have an important and special place in my heart. 

My family has often told me that I take general relationships too seriously; I fight too hard to spend time those that I care about and that I’m never willing to let go, even when they prove they don’t give a damn about me. Both parts of those statements have been a struggle, but I have learned a lot, especially within the past year.

Don’t expect too much, but rather cherish the time that you have. Know how to be honest and know how to forgive. Know when to fight and know when to let the friendship run its own course. 

There’s no denying that friends will come and go out of your life; but the truest of them all will be standing in the doorway, regardless if you can see them or not.

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