At My Core

This was a prompt that I was supposed to do way back in December, during the Reverb10 blog project (you can read any of those here) but wanted to focus on other things during the remaining days of 2010. 


We all have a core; a place deep down in our hearts that everything else about us stems from; it essentially makes up who a person is beneath the surface as well as their personality. I used to think that it was impossible to sum me up in just three words or less. But I’ve come to believe that these three words make up who I am at heart. 
Kindness

Ever since I was a young girl, I have always made it my “mission” shall we say, to try and be nice to people. That aspect especially became true when I entered middle school, where I was picked up and made fun of rather frequently by my peers. My brother constantly pointed out that the only reason that kind of stuff happened was because they knew that I wasn’t going to do anything about it. In all honesty, I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t want to stoop to that particular level and become a complete you-know-what. It made me look incredibly weak, as though I didn’t have a backbone (which was true at the time). But  I wanted to stay true to myself, despite what I was going through. 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve discovered that kindness is not necessarily just in the words we speak; it is also in what we do for others. It can be the smallest of things, like smiling it at someone when you walk past them or holding a door open. But it can also be the biggest of things, like forgiving those who have hurt you in one way or another, or just being there for a friend during a difficult time, despite not knowing how to really help them. 

I am not perfect when it comes to kindness; I say things that I shouldn’t and I get angry at times for the wrong reasons. There are times when I would much rather give someone the finger than give them a hug. I’ve always believed in giving back, but never felt like I had enough time to energy to do any volunteer work. However, I am going to try and change that during this particular semester. 

Kindness is something that each of us is capable of; even though I don’t always succeed at it,but I do what I can. 


Love


Love and kindness are two things that frequently intertwine; one is kind in order to show love, and one expresses love by being kind. Love itself, however, comes in so many different shapes and forms; essentially, it is seeing past what we don’t like about another person and accepting them exactly for who they are.

I have always tried to love other people to the best of my ability, because I I know that’s what I would another person to do for me. And not only that, but there is so much hatred and judgment in the world; children are growing up thinking that it’s all about them and that everyone else is beneath them. In reality, nothing is ever just about you. When I show love, I try to be selfless more than selfish; to give more than I take. When it all comes down to it, I always try to love in the way that God would want me to.

But to a degree, one has to be able to love themselves as well; because you cannot show love to another without being able to say the same things to yourself. You have to be able to look in the mirror  and see that you’re beautiful, no matter how hard it may be. You have to know that you’re worth something and that you have purpose, even if it might take you your entire life to figure it out. 

For me that was one of the hardest things to do. It’s still hard in a sense, but it gets easier as you get older. 

I’ve been told that at times, I love almost too much; I struggle with sticking up for myself and not allowing others to walk all over me. I tend to want to keep people in my life that probably shouldn’t be in it. It’s true when they say that love can make you blind, because you don’t see how much someone is actually tearing you down as opposed to lifting you up. 

This way of thinking and this way of living might be just two of the reasons that I occasionally scare people off; although I this particular notion is debatable, I’ve been told that I’m more mature than most people are for my age. In turn, there are those that don’t understand or see things the way that I do. But I guess that’s what makes me unique.
Strength

Strength has become one of the key things in my life; it is not something comes easily nor does it come in a short amount of time. On a physical level, I had to learn to be strong just to get from point A to to Point B. I was once told that I probably had the strongest arms (for a girl) that anyone had ever seen. And for the sake of being humorous, I do have what my family calls a “death grip”…it’s probably a good idea to avoid it if you can. I’m not proud of this, but I did almost break a friend’s fingers once. Since then, I have learned to be gentle when necessary. 

point, regarding all areas of my life. 

I do not say these things in self-pity, but rather stating that this is where my personal strength comes from. I learned many times over that in a way, I am a survivor. That regardless of what curve balls come at me unexpectedly, I will get through it. I may not know how to right then and there, but I learn. 

However, true strength is not just being able to carry any sort of heavy burden on your own; you have to allow others to be there for you and take care of you. 

I’ll be honest when I say that I can be prideful; prideful in wanting to prove everybody wrong and to be able to stand up and say “look at me now! And you really thought I couldn’t do it, could you?” Sometimes I think it’s easier not to tell anyone what goes on or what I may be struggling with. But time and time again, it has only proven that I cannot do it all by myself. As much as I want to, I can’t. 

Asking for help doesn’t mean that you’re weak…it just means that you’re human. 



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