New Years Resolution…

I’ve never been a fan of making New Years Resolutions; a lot of them are so generic (lose weight, exercise more, get organized, etc.) and half of the time, most people almost never keep them. Aside from that, I don’t understand why exactly people let their bad habits drag out until the New year; in retrospect, every day should be a day to start fresh and make a change. Wouldn’t it be better to start tomorrow rather  than wait and put yourself through more of the same frustration(s). 

At the same time, there’s something about a brand new year that makes starting over a lot easier; you have a completely clean slate and the days and months ahead are filled with so many possibilities. You may think about what you could have done differently the previous year, but there isn’t really anything that you can do to change it: it’s over, done and gone away. Beginning again at this time just seems to make more sense. 

I used to think that I didn’t exactly want to do anything differently in 2011; that I just wanted to keep growing and maturing the way that I have been in 2010. Mostly because for the life of me, I could not come up with any resolution specifically. Yet over the last couple of days, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am actually quite the procrastinator; I put off writing papers because I hate the grind of doing research and having to put it all together in a way that makes sense. I put off doing homework at times because I feel like I’ve worked my butt and think I deserve a break. And the list goes on…

On a deeper level, there are a lot of things that I put off doing because of how I might deal with it emotionally; I put off talking to this guy that I keep seeing around campus because I was afraid that he might be a complete jerk, and that I would walking away feeling like I wasted my time. I hold back when it comes to talking to friends or family members about certain subjects, out of fear of what they might say in reply. I’ve come up with dozens of story ideas, and yet it takes me months to actually put them to paper because I feel like it won’t be good enough. Currently, I’m putting off looking at my grades for first semester because I don’t want to go beating myself up about certain classes, even though I know that there is nothing I can do at this point. 

When it all comes down to it, I put things off because of the pain that might come afterward. I realize that sounds very pessimistic of me; but I feel like I’ve experienced enough pain (in certain areas of my life) where sometimes I wonder just how much more I can take. 

Yet, there is no way of completely avoiding pain; one cannot go their whole life without experiencing hardship or difficulties. 

And even if you take a leap of faith and it doesn’t work out the way you want it to, at least you can move on to different and perhaps better opportunities. By waiting, you only prolong what may be completely out of your control. 

So I guess my resolution would be to not just plan things, but actually follow through when them; to do something right when I think of it, and not just wait until later. It’s not going to be easy for me, but at the very least, the more I put it into practice, the more I’ll get comfortable with doing it. 

Goodbye 2010, and bring on 2011!

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